A Man Alone In The Woods With A Woman And A Bear
Spoiler Alert: this is satire
For the last few months, it has been impossible to avoid the question of whether a woman would be safer alone in the woods with a man or a bear. Just when it seemed like this topic was finally starting to die down, news breaks that former presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. once brought a dead bear cub into Central Park, proving once and for all that men in the woods are more dangerous than bears.
But still, men have a hard time with the fact that women would choose running into a bear in the woods over a man. But it makes perfect sense to me. If I had to choose between a running into a bear or a woman in the woods, I would also choose the bear.
How could this possibly be? Well first of all, I am a man. A real man. A tough guy. So bears and I have an understanding. It’s all about having the right attitude. When I see a bear in the woods, I just think “I be cool, you be cool.” Bears respect that. And I respect them. Easy peasy.
But this approach just does not work with women. While bears are fairly predictable, you never know what sort of woman you might run across in the woods. First of all, the woman might be scared of me, even though that is completely irrational behavior. I don’t want to have an awkward encounter with a woman that might think I…
